Fair Share Taxes And Global Climate Change
I have information from reliable but nameless and secret sources that the State of California is very near announcement of a two fold plan for a Fair Share Universal Tax to help fund the War on Global Climate Change.
First, in recognition that exhaling releases carbon dioxide gas which is a contributor to Global Climate Change, every resident or visitor to the State of California will be required to have a micro chip implant that will both monitor and report each time they exhale to the State of California.
This data will be forwarded to the Franchise Tax Board who will calculate the tax due and be responsible for collecting the scheduled tax from “Breathers”. At the time of this writing the tax rate being considered is one tenth of a cent per exhale. This may seem a paltry sum until one calculates that the average adult respiratory rate is about 15 times per minute or 900 times per hour. Do a little math and the average cost of exhaling in California will be about 90 cents an hour or $21.60 a day.
This tax can be avoided by simply no longer exhaling and residents and visitors can take comfort in the fact that inhaling is still free. At least for now.
For the Second phase of this battle consideration is being given to the fact that methane is also a contributor to Global Climate Change and it is the responsibility of all of us to pay our Fair Share Tax in the battle to monitor and reduce the release of this gas into California’s breathable air resources.
It is also a scientific fact that flatulence is a major contributor to the release of methane into the atmosphere. Therefore, California is creating a new agency to monitor and tax the unwanted release of this gas. To fund this Board and its employees a new source of revenue will be created through the establishment of a Flatulence Air Resource Tax.
Under development is a new monitoring device to be worn by all residents and visitors on the rear upper portion of the thigh which will sense, tabulate and report to the Board all releases of methane gas by the wearer.
The Board will then forward this information to the California Franchise Tax Board who will be responsible for billing and collecting the approved tax. At this writing a rate of $1.00 per release is under consideration. Think of it as an exhaust gas tax.
Taxpayers can avoid this tax by simply not releasing any methane gas through the monitored process.
The State agency for this Board is reporting some difficulty in recruiting, hiring and training workers who will be responsible for checking and monitoring individuals at random to be sure they are wearing the methane release and sound monitoring device and that it is working properly.
Formal announcement of this new Fair Share Tax and implementation of monitoring should be released through the media within the next 60 days.
All tax rates are subject to review and increase depending on Battlefield Assessment Reports from the ongoing War against Global Climate Change and subject to review and correction by former Vice President Al Gore.
What could possibly go wrong?
Bob Bandy
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