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Welcome Mat

June 28, 2014 By: bob Category: Humor, In the News

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Detroit

 

 

We see and are told in the news that we have a border crisis with tens of thousands of undocumented, would be immigrants flooding across our southern borders.  

On a serious note, I do not know anyone who is not moved by the sight of thousands of seemingly parent-less young children or ragged adults trying to escape poverty and even danger.  But, do we solve this by opening our borders to “all comers”?  Do we turn our Border Patrol agents into a kind of “Welcome Wagon”?  Do we just open all our borders on all sides to anyone and everyone from all countries around the world?  Can we just shut down the Department of Immigration and Naturalization?  

The Federal Government, State Governments and Congress are in a battle as to how to solve this crisis.  Some shouting to “Seal Our Borders” and others saying to welcome them all and create a “Path To Citizenship” for all comers whether legal applicants or those without papers.

I see a simple solution that should make everyone happy.  Lets send them where they are needed and wanted.

For example, Detroit, Michigan (pictured above) is a city that has lost tens (hundreds?) of thousands of citizens.  There are thousands of empty homes available either free or almost free for the taking.  And, Detroit has a long history of generous benefits to those in need.

Why not load these folks desiring to immigrate onto buses and take them to Detroit? On arrival they could be given a sack lunch and a map with directions (in their native language) to the offices of “Public Assistance” as well as street guides to areas where there is housing ready for the taking.

This program could be expanded to other cities that have by way of public pronouncements, ordinances and local laws indicated support for undocumented immigrants.  Some of the cities that come quickly to mind are San Francisco, New York, Chicago and Seattle but there are many others.

I have visions of caravans of buses with thousands of happy new, undocumented citizens streaming off the buses into the waiting arms of cities anxiously welcoming them with public funded programs to provide them with all the goods and services they need or want.

With this plan, the cities that have indicated they want them, get them and, get to pay for the services provided.

Everybody wins.  What could possibly go wrong?

Bob Bandy

 

 

 

 

 

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Obi-Wan Never Visited Washington DC

March 07, 2014 By: bob Category: In the News, Something To Think About

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"Your will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy - Obi-wan Kenobi - Star Wars IV"

 “YOU WILL NEVER FIND A MORE WRETCHED HIVE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY”

(1977 Star Wars IV – Obi-Wan Kenobi at Mos Eisley Spaceport)

 

Our countries foreign and domestic policy seems to be under the control of a trio that I like to refer to as Feckless, Brainless and Clueless.  While I may be referring to our President, Vice President and Secretary of State, you might want to apply the titles to the leaders of your own choosing.  Perhaps your two State Senators and your Congressional Representative in the House of Representatives.  Each person can make their own choice.

Perhaps you think my descriptive titles too harsh and would prefer kinder more love-able names such as Larry, Curly and Moe.  We are either blessed or cursed with a broad spectrum of potential candidates for whatever titles or names you wish to apply.

For example:

Our nation is Seventeen, racing towards Twenty Trillion (with a T) Dollars in debt. Who is responsible for that?

We have an Attorney General who believes that you only need to enforce the laws you like.

A Director in the Internal Revenue Service  who never did anything wrong and will take the Fifth Amendment to prove it.

A Minority Leader in the House of Representatives who believes you should only read laws after they are passed.

A Senate Leader who does not know the difference between the truth and a lie.

Nations around the world now know the United States  cannot be depended on to keep its treaty commitments.  The U.S. signed a Treaty with the Ukraine that if the Ukraine would give up their “Nukes” and most of their army that we would defend them from invasion.

“Don’t worry, if you like your country you can keep it.  And, that’s a promise.”

So the Ukraine gave up their nukes and stood down most of their army.   The Ukraine has been invaded by Russia and we took no real action to stop them although we did dispatch Clueless, Ooops – sorry, I meant to say our Secretary of State to tell the Russians they are in violation of International Law. Maybe “John” could shake a United Nations Security Council Resolution at “Vlad”. Just as soon as he gets Russia and China to sign it.  I’ll bet Vladimir is shaking in his boots.

I wonder if Taiwan, Japan, South Korea, Israel, the nations in Eastern Europe and several other countries around the world we have treaty commitments with are taking notes.  I’m sure China, North Korea, Iran and other potential adversaries are.

What could possibly go wrong?

OBI-WAN NEVER VISITED WASHINGTON D C

Bob Bandy

 

 

 

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Fixing Income Inequality

February 01, 2014 By: bob Category: In the News, Something To Think About

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The government says it wants to “fix” the problem of unequal pay and income.  They say too few are paid too much (the evil rich) while too many are not paid enough (victims of the rich).  The goal of the government is to equalize pay for all citizens.

Based on the governments track record of “fixing” things like the War on Poverty, our Public Education System, the Postal Service, Amtrak, and the growing National Debt, I am not sure we want them to try to “fix” income equality.  Or anything else.

I have a vision of what a likely government “fix” will look like.

First they will establish what is a reasonable amount for everyone to be paid. For sake of  this discussion lets say they decide on $60,000 a year.  That would be $5,000 a month.

Here is a plan that I am sure would appeal to every bureaucrats heart.  All residents of the United States of working age (18?) would receive a “salary” of $5,000 per month from the government who would function as the payroll department for all employers.  A “single payer” system under complete control of the government and IRS.   We could all become cogs in the wheel of the Proletariat masses.

Don’t worry, if you like your current job, you can keep it.  That’s a promise.

Your education does not matter.  Your age does not matter.  Race, religion, political party, type of work, skill level, work ethic, level of responsibility, or experience. None of these matter.  Unions could be eliminated, you wouldn’t need them.  No merit or performance pay, everybody gets paid the same.  Movie stars, Presidents, Barbers, Plumbers, Soldiers, Dog Catchers, Burger Flippers, Brain Surgeons, etc.

Visualize a Baseball Team under this system.  The owners, the managers, star players, beginning players,  bat boys, groundskeepers, peanut vendors, everybody gets exactly the same pay.

As desirable as this sounds in providing equal pay for all of us it would have the added benefit that the IRS could withhold their “fair share” before we see our paycheck with no need for us to ever file an annual return.  Who could possibly object to such a fair and equitable solution?   Consider this,  we would all get paid the same no matter how lousy a job we do.  Just like members of Congress.

If every citizen received the same amount of pay every month, do you think we would all have the same bank account at the end of the year?  Or would some have a fat bank account, another a new car and still another a giant hangover?

Perhaps governments next task is to require equal outcomes for all of us?  It should be easy.  A plan to devolve all of us to the lowest common denominator.  Call it government approved cookie cutter equality.

An American melting pot filled with glassy eyed, average room temperature IQ automatons.

Bob Bandy

 

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CALIFORNIA – IT IS WHAT IT IS

September 07, 2013 By: bob Category: Humor, In the News

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ONLY IN CALIFORNIA

Example #1:

Under a new California law the only judge of a persons sexual identity is the individual themselves and they can change that identity as often as they choose.

Under this new law, on any given day,  a hormonal 15 year old young man can decide that he is now a woman trapped in a mans body.  He may now go to his high school,  tell them that following this revelation he/she now wants to play on the girls basketball (softball, soccer, etc.) team and demand campus wide  access to the girls locker room, showers and restroom facilities.

Under this same law, signed by Governor Brown,  the schools must allow and accommodate this request.   What other impacted students and their parents  may feel about this is of no consideration.

I have no intent to offend those with true Gender identity issues but this law as written will cause considerably more unintended consequences than the writers of the law had the intelligence or common sense to foresee.  Our shortsighted Legislature and Governor at work.

Example #2:

Against voter objections, California is now on a path to install the first phase of a High Speed Rail System using some 9 Billion borrowed  State and Federal Dollars.  The first phase has begun and should be completed in 3-5 years depending on lawsuits,  strikes, environmental reports, delays, cost overruns etc.

Upon completion of this first phase,  rail passengers will be able to drive some 15 miles west of their small central valley town to a rail station built on government seized, former farmland in the middle of nowhere.   Here they can park their car and board the High Speed Train traveling at speeds up to 160 miles per hour for some 28 miles to another rail station located on government seized, former farmland in the middle of nowhere.   On arrival at destination station,  they can disembark the train and get into another vehicle (friend, family member, bus or cab) and drive some 15 miles east to another small central valley town which, by the the way, is some 28 highway miles from their original point of departure in the small central valley town.  Disneyland, eat your heart out.

For those who think this is just another waste of money,  Government boondoggle and/or labor union payoff, California residents are promised that at some vague distant future date their grand children, or great-grand children will be able to travel from Los Angeles to San Francisco in about 2 hours  on a completed High Speed Rail system that will only cost about 40 Gazillion Dollars to complete and take some 15 -40 years to build.  Ticket prices on the High Speed Rail System are hoped to be only a few hundred dollars each way.

 Did I mention that you can fly between San Francisco and Los Angeles in about an hour for around $100 on flights that leave every 30 minutes or so?

Completion of the whole High Speed Rail project is forecast by our governor for 2028 or so (fingers firmly crossed).

Of course, there may be a few delays.

Government negotiators are currently in meetings with Oprah Winfrey about running the future High Speed Train through the front yard of her Malibu mansion which just happens to lie on the only logical coastal route around the mountains between Bakersfield and the Los Angeles basin.

If those talks fail they will begin talks with the Sierra Club about  a sort of  Ski-Lift  operation (still in engineering design stages) to move the train over the mountains or, possibly, a forty mile tunnel through the mountains along the San Andreas Earthquake  fault line.

You can’t make this stuff up.

I would give more examples but enough food for thought for now.

Bob Bandy

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Becoming The Invisible Man

June 20, 2013 By: bob Category: Culture, Humor, In the News

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Years ago I had a car that was ugly but wouldn’t die.  I finally put a bumper sticker on it that said “please steal this car”.   I am beginning to feel the same way about my identity.

I have always suspected, but we all now know as fact, that our government cannot be trusted at any level.

The IRS can and will target you for any reason they choose including, but not limited to, holding political views not shared by their labor union.  And, lets remember the IRS will be the chief enforcement arm for the “(un)Affordable Healthcare Act”, aka: Obamacare.  And, they get (taxpayer paid) bonus dollars for making our lives miserable.

The National Security Administration has the capability of monitoring virtually all forms of communication we use.  Cell phones,  email, web browsing, land line phones plus they claim they can observe our movements with the use of the millions of observation and security cameras everywhere.  They brag that they can determine not only where you are but often what you are doing.  Is that really just a “regular” mirror in those public bathrooms?

Its like living in a fish bowl.

I am working on a plan to become a 21st century “Invisible Man”.

A first step would be to duct tape my cell phone to the bottom of a Greyhound Bus departing for a Mexican Border city in Texas.  After doing that I would use only disposable cell phones purchased while in disguise under an assumed name at Walmart stores.

After that I have a question.  If someone steals my identity would that mean that the IRS, NSA, Justice Department and a whole host of other government agencies that take joy in making my life miserable would  now pursue the new “owner” of my identity and leave me alone?  Could I just claim to be an undocumented  person seeking a new life in America?

Maybe I could just let not one, but many, people steal my identity and really drive the “Feds” crazy.  Maybe I could form an identity exchange where like minded folks could trade identities every few months or weeks.

How about having an identity “Swap Party” where everyone comes in and puts their identity in a big fish bowl and at the end of the party they are blindfolded and pick out their new “identity” before leaving?

Hey, this could be fun.  Sort of like cluttering up a crime scene with several bucket loads of evidence leading investigators off on a hundred or more “rabbit trails”.

If called in for questioning I could just do what IRS Director Lois Lerner did and state that I have done nothing wrong and broken no laws but will take the Fifth Amendment and refuse to answer any questions.

It could even reach the point where even I no longer know who I am.  A truly Invisible Man.

Am I Bob Bandy?

 

 

 

 

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‘FED’ UP YET?

May 24, 2013 By: bob Category: Humor, In the News

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WE ARE FROM THE GOVERNMENT AND WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU!

What kind of problems are you having that your government can help you with?

Did you make a mistake and register to vote in the “wrong” political party?  Let our Auditors with the IRS show you ways to get those political donations routed to the “right” party so there won’t be any unpleasant questions about your tax returns.

Did you “accidentally” attend one of those Pro-Constitution” public rallies?  Let our folks with the Justice Department do a little “background” checking for you to make sure you are not getting in with the “wrong” crowd.  They will be happy to visit with your family, neighbors and friends.  Anything they turn up will be held in strict confidence and only shared with other helpful government agencies.

Do you own a business and “forgot” to make a contribution to the political party in power?  Your friends from the Environmental Protection Agency will be pleased to visit your place of business to help you comply with all 60,000 pages of Regulations.  Including all the sub-paragraphs and addendums which you are responsible to comply with.  (Helpful hint: You might want to keep your checkbook nearby.)

Having trouble keeping healthy or maybe have a Body Mass Index that does not comply with current government guidelines?  The Health & Human Services Department under the powers granted by the Affordable Care Act, and with the assistance of the Internal Revenue Service, will be glad to review your eating and drinking choices. They will have available all the helpful data provided by your credit card companies and those popular “Club” and “Member Rewards” cards from your favorite stores, restaurants and “other” places of “indulgence”.  And, they will be supported by the Justice Department.

Now there is that pesky First Amendment to the Constitution which prohibits Congress from making any laws which infringe upon your rights of Freedom of Speech and Freedom of the Press.

But, of course they won’t be making any such laws.

The Government doesn’t need them.  After all, they are only here to help you!

Bob Bandy

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