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Fair Share Taxes And Global Climate Change

November 11, 2017 By: bob Category: Humor

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scales 1

I have information from reliable but nameless and secret sources that the State of California is very near announcement of a two fold plan for a Fair Share Universal Tax to help fund the War on Global Climate Change.

First, in recognition that exhaling releases carbon dioxide gas which is a contributor to Global Climate Change,  every resident or visitor to the State of California will be required to have a micro chip implant that will both monitor and report each time they exhale to the State of California.

This data will be forwarded to the Franchise Tax Board who will calculate the tax due and be responsible for collecting the scheduled tax from “Breathers”.  At the time of this writing the tax rate being considered is one tenth of a cent per exhale.  This may seem  a paltry sum until one calculates that the average adult respiratory rate is about 15 times per minute or 900 times per hour.  Do a little math and the average cost of exhaling in California will be about 90 cents an hour or $21.60 a day.

This tax can be avoided by simply no longer exhaling and residents and visitors can take comfort in the fact that inhaling is still free.  At least for now.

For the Second phase of this battle consideration is being given to the fact that methane is also a contributor to Global Climate Change and it is the responsibility of all of us to pay our Fair Share Tax in the battle to monitor and reduce the release of this gas into California’s breathable air resources.

It is also a scientific fact that flatulence is a major contributor to the release of methane into the atmosphere. Therefore, California is creating a new agency to monitor and tax the unwanted release of this gas.  To fund this Board and its employees a new source of revenue will be created through the establishment of a Flatulence Air Resource Tax.

Under development is a new monitoring device to be worn by all residents and visitors on the rear upper portion of the thigh which will sense, tabulate and report to the Board all releases of methane gas by the wearer.

The Board will then forward this information to the California Franchise Tax Board who will be responsible for billing and collecting the approved tax.  At this writing a rate of $1.00 per release is under consideration.  Think of it as an exhaust gas tax.

Taxpayers can avoid this tax by simply not releasing any methane gas through the monitored process.

The State agency for this Board is reporting some difficulty in recruiting, hiring and training workers who will be responsible for checking and monitoring individuals at random to be sure they are wearing the methane release and sound monitoring device and that it is working properly.

Formal announcement of this new Fair Share Tax and implementation of monitoring should be released through the media within the next 60 days.

All tax rates are subject to review and increase depending on Battlefield Assessment Reports from the ongoing War against Global Climate Change and subject to review and correction by former Vice President Al Gore.

What could possibly go wrong?

Bob Bandy

 

 

 

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Take A Knee

September 29, 2017 By: bob Category: Culture, On Bob's Mind, Something To Think About

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colin kapernick
**********
The following was forwarded to me.  I do not know the author but share his/her sentiment.  You do not win me over to your cause, whatever it is, by dis-respecting the flag I served under as a veteran, or my Country’s National Anthem or the country I love and served proudly while in the military.  Period.  Take your protest elsewhere.
********** 
TAKE A KNEE!  My honor to pass this on!
Take a little trip to Valley Forge in January.Hold a musket ball in your
fingers and imagine it piercing your flesh and breaking a bone or two. There 
won’t be a doctor or trainer to assist you until after the battle, so just 
wait your turn.Take your cleats and socks off to get a real experience. 
Then take a knee.
Then, take one at the beach in Normandy where man after American
man stormed the beach, even as the one in front of him was shot to 
pieces…the very sea stained with American blood. The only blockers most had were 
the dead bodies in front of them, riddled with bullets from enemy 
fire.
Take a knee in the sweat soaked jungles of Vietnam. from Khe San
to Saigon…Anywhere will do. Americans died in all those jungles.There 
was no playbook that told them what was next, but they knew what flag 
they represented. When they came home, they were protested as well..and spit 
on for reasons only cowards know.
Take another knee in the blood drenched sands of Fallujah in 110
degree heat..Wear your Kevlar helmet and battle dress..Your number won’t 
be printed on it unless your number is up! You’ll need to stay hydrated 
but there won’t be anyone to squirt Gatorade into your mouth. You’re on 
your own.
There’s a lot of places to take a knee Americans have given their
lives all over the world. When you use the banner under which they fought as 
a source for your displeasure, you dishonor the memories of those who 
bled for the very freedoms you have. That’s what the red stripes mean. 
It represents the blood of those who spilled a sea of it defending 
your liberty.
While you’re on your knee, pray for those that came before you, not on
a manicured lawn striped and printed with numbers to announce every inch 
of ground taken…but on nameless hills and bloodied beaches and 
sweltering forests and bitter cold mountains..every inch marked by an American 
life lost serving that flag you protest.
No cheerleaders, no announcers, no coaches, no fans…just American men
and women…delivering the real fight against those who chose to 
harm us…blazing a path so you would have the right to “take a 
knee.” You haven’t an inkling what it took to get you where you are…but 
your “protest” is duly noted. Not only is it disgraceful to a nation of 
real heroes, it serves the purpose of pointing to your ingratitude for those 
who chose to defend you under that banner that will still wave long after 
your jersey is retired…
If you really feel the need to take a knee, come with me to church
on Sunday and we’ll both kneel before Almighty God. We’ll thank him 
for preserving this country for as long as He has. We’ll beg forgiveness 
for our ingratitude for all He has provided us. We’ll appeal to Him 
for understanding and wisdom. We’ll pray for liberty and justice 
for all…because He is the one who provides those 
things. But there will be no protest. There will only be gratitude for 
His provision and a plea for His continued grace and mercy on the land of 
the free and the home of the brave. It goes like 
this…
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
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WAS – IS – WILL ALWAYS BE

September 02, 2017 By: bob Category: Culture, In the News, On Bob's Mind, Something To Think About

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Senator Robert Byrd

 

 

JUST TO BE CLEAR.  

I WILL SPELL THIS OUT IN BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS.  

I DO NOT WANT TO BE TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT OR MISREAD.  

I BELIEVE THAT SLAVERY HAS ALWAYS BEEN WRONG, IS WRONG AND WILL ALWAYS BE WRONG.  

HUMANS WERE NOT MEANT BY THEIR CREATOR TO LIVE IN SLAVERY.  

I ALSO BELIEVE THAT RACISM IN ALL ITS FORMS IS NOT ONLY WRONG BUT IS STUPID AND THOSE WHO PRACTICE IT CHEAT THEMSELVES OUT OF THE RICHNESS OF OUR COLLECTIVE DIVERSITY.  

PERIOD!

Having said the above I am witnessing in our media and on our streets a form of mass hysteria and hate.  It scares me in the sense that I can see it ripping our society apart. I hear and read about “non-negotiable” demands to erase and tear down any relics of real or imagined links to slavery in our nation.  

It seems that anyone with any cultural, racial or historical ties to slavery by any association or relationship in any way, is marked for removal from the annals of  our nations heritage.

The other day it was announced that ESPN removed a Sportscaster from the commentary at a Sporting event because the man, who had an Asian background, shared the same name as a Confederate General.

Let me share something with you.  I have a 60+ year fascination with history.  

But, don’t take my word for it, study for yourself.  When you study you will find that, take a deep breath, slavery in various forms was practiced by: The Carthaginians, the Romans, The Greeks, The Persians (Iranians), The Babylonians, The Chinese, The Mongols, The Huns (Europeans), England, The Vikings, The Russians, Southern Asian Peoples (including India), Egyptians, Middle Eastern and North African Islamic States, Native Americans (North, Central and South America), The People, Tribes and Nations of Central and South Africa.  Also, many Island Nations including Japan. And, I have probably missed naming a few.

Also keep in mind that the horror of slavery is still practiced in parts of the world.

I could be wrong but the only Continent that I am aware of that has no history of slavery in some part or way is Antarctica.  So, if you can firmly establish that all of your ancestors were Native Antarcticans you are stain free. Otherwise, join the rest of us in the cesspool.  

Virtually all of us have a skeleton or two in our closet if we want to dig a little and drag them out.  

If it is decided to eradicate all statues, memorials, hospitals, schools, parks, highways, malls, airports, landmarks etc. etc. etc. with the names of anybody who has any ties in history to slavery, racism, a now despised group or family heirloom associated with such, you are going to be very busy.

Just one example:  Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia. Besides being a Senator, he was a former Grand Wizard in the Ku Klux Klan.  I have heard an estimate, probably exaggerated, that perhaps half the airports, schools, hospitals, parks, highways etc. in the State of West Virginia are named after him.  You are going to need a lot of shovels, backhoes, “whitewash” and other equipment to eradicate his name and memory from the state.

But not to pick on just the Senator.  Many, most or all of our great leaders, as well as us common folk, have historical skeletons we would probably just as soon not know about. 

Slavery was abolished in the United States more than 150 years ago.  

The stain of racism is still with us and is practiced by people of all colors.  It will be with us until we all learn to love one another, forgive one another and be enriched by one another.  You cannot erase it by law, edict, marching in the streets or hating one another.  Unfortunately, the latter is what I see being practiced in the media and on the streets.  Pity.

Bob Bandy

 

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SLOW LEARNER

June 16, 2017 By: bob Category: Humor, Something To Think About

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It is very clear to me that I am a slow learner.

What is the old saying?  One definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results.

For 50+ years I have faithfully participated in our system of government.  Working, paying taxes and voting for the person whom I honestly felt best qualified for whatever position needed to be filled.

In the process I have unwittingly contributed to help create a system filled with what I like to call “Clowns, Criminals and Lunatics” in charge of a poorly organized, mostly criminal enterprise that robs its own citizens while rewarding corruption and theft.

Not to say that all members of Congress fit this description but the 2 or 3 percent who do not fit the description are totally outgunned by the 97 or 98 percent who do.

They have littered our history with the rot and debris of failed government “programs” and left us with an ever growing percentage of  our citizenry enslaved and addicted to a government funded by runaway debt.  At this writing some 20 Trillion Dollars worth and growing.

What I observe is self serving politicians working for their own re-election goals and not the needs of their constituents.  Corruption and greed on a massive scale.  Political correctness twisted to serve political agendas.

Once Government declared War on Poverty.  Poverty won.

I no longer expect anything out of government but lies, corruption, failed programs and debt.  After 50 years why should I expect anything else?  Lie to me once – shame on you.  Lie to me a thousand times – shame on me.  To borrow from one of my earlier writings:  “Expecting something good to come out of Washington is like fishing for your dinner in a septic tank”.

Some of these programs were well intentioned but misguided and horribly mismanaged.  Instead of helping the needy  to grow into confident self sufficient individuals, they created addicts to the slavery of dependency on the drug of a cancerous charity that steals their freedom and dignity.

One of life’s great truths: Forced charity breeds resentment. If you take by force the fruits of those who worked for them to enrich those who will not work for themselves, you create enmity and bitterness on both the unwilling giver and the ungrateful receiver.

Recently I heard a commentator say that it is not worthwhile to read or listen to the “Drive By” “Mainstream Media”.  Most of which have become nothing more than a public forum of “Innuendo”, “lies from anonymous sources”, “Talking Points”, “Propaganda” and other agenda driven non-news.  At first I was inclined to reject his advice but on further thought it finally registered with me that he was right. All reading and listening to this “drivel” accomplishes is to make me mad and insult my intelligence.

Soooooo…….

I have determined to accept the fact that our government is, with or without my participation, firmly on the path to economic destruction and cultural ruin and I want to minimize my part in this endeavor to an absolute legal minimum.

I will, to the best of my ability, violate no laws but I sure “ain’t” going to help them either.

I will focus my own efforts to helping those I care about find a way to survive the chaos and destruction that is sure to come.  “A house divided”.

At some point the “Government” is going to find their “wagon” abandoned with no one left to pull it.

Bob Bandy

 

 

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CLIPBOARD FREEDOM

May 16, 2017 By: bob Category: Humor

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clipboard 1a

True story but I wrote this just for fun.

In the early and mid 1960’s the Army was not politically correct.  The Army used what can best be described as a  “destroy the old you and make you into the new Army you” method in Basic and Advanced Training.  At least that was their plan.

During “Basic Training” I learned to survive the Army’s version, at that time, of Hell.  I am told that in the modern incarnation it has become more genteel.  In those days it meant little sleep, being treated like a convict on Devils Island, long marches, verbal abuse, almost inedible food, etc.

After “Basic Training” you graduated to “Advanced Training”.  In my case I was sent to be trained on “Indirect Fire” weapons.  Mortar Gunnery School.  Unlike Rifles or Artillery, which are, at least in theory, “Direct Fire” weapons, the Mortar is fired high into the sky and, done properly, comes raining down out of the sky on your enemy like “Fire and Brimstone” on Sodom and Gomorra.

I also learned that the Mortar is a useful fishing accessory but that’s another story.

In addition to learning how to kill your enemy without ever seeing them, I think the most valuable thing I learned in Advanced Training was the magic of the clipboard.  It was a ticket to freedom on many days.

Walk around with a clipboard containing several pages of paperwork and others assumed you were working on a task of some kind. That clipboard would make those NCO’s and Officers who  had the power of making your life miserable more likely target those whose hands were empty for such enterprises as moving a pile of rocks from one side of the Parade Ground to the other on a day when it was 102 degrees in the non-existent shade.

By the time I made Sergeant I had turned the use of the clipboard into an art form.  It very often bought me many hours of leisure in place of undesired labor at menial tasks.

Want to have some fun?

In civilian life I observed that many public “servants” and private workers who serve the public, do not like note takers as they fear what might come back to haunt them from carefully documented note pages.

So, I substitute a notebook for my army clipboard.

I like to take a notebook with me when needing to visit the offices of sometimes surly City, County, State or Federal employees.  It also is helpful in commercial public enterprises.

For example, you might want to try this:

In a public office or private enterprise, enter and walk up to the counter. After making sure you are being observed,  take out and open your notebook and, looking at your watch or the clock on the wall, make note of the date and time. Then, with a friendly smile say “Good Morning” and ask the clerk for their name or copy it carefully from their name badge into your notebook.   If they ask you what you are doing,  just smile and say that your memory is not so good and you need notes to remind you of the purpose of your visit and what you accomplished during your time there.  Make  some notes to yourself in the notebook during the visit. At all times, and despite any aggravation, remain, pleasant and courteous. It works even better if you have a silent friend with you who just listens and smiles.

You might be amazed at the polite, helpful, even courteous service this usually leads to.

A little planning ahead and a clipboard, notebook or other prop can greatly enrich your life.

I have many fun examples I could share from my experiences but enough for now.

Bob Bandy

 

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SEVENTEEN INCHES

March 19, 2017 By: bob Category: Culture, On Bob's Mind, Something To Think About

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home plate

I received the following in my personal email from a friend.  It was sent to me without attribution but I was so impressed by it that I researched it and found that the article is credited as having originally been written by a person named Chris Sperry.  Coach John Scolinos (1918-2009) was a real coach.

I am reprinting it here because it is important and says something really important that I could not begin to say as well.  Enjoy and be enriched by the truth that it gives.  Bob

*******************************

 

In Nashville, Tennessee , during the first week of January, 1996, more than 4,000 baseball coaches descended upon the Opryland Hotel for the 52nd annual ABCA’s convention.

While I waited in line to register with the hotel staff, I heard other more veteran coaches rumbling about the lineup of speakers scheduled to present during the weekend. One name, in particular, kept resurfacing, always with the same sentiment — “John Scolinos is here? Oh, man, worth every penny of my airfare.”

Who is John Scolinos, I wondered.

In 1996, Coach Scolinos was 78 years old and five years retired from a college coaching career that began in 1948. He shuffled to the stage to an impressive standing ovation, wearing dark polyester pants, a light blue shirt, and a string around his neck from which home plate hung — a full-sized, stark-white home plate.

Seriously, I wondered, who is this guy?

After speaking for twenty-five minutes, not once mentioning the prop hanging around his neck, Coach Scolinos appeared to notice the snickering among some of the coaches. Even those who knew Coach Scolinos had to wonder exactly where he was going with this, or if he had simply forgotten about home plate since he’d gotten on stage. Then, finally …“You’re probably all wondering why I’m wearing home plate around my neck,” he said, his voice growing irascible. I laughed along with the others, acknowledging the possibility.“I may be old, but I’m not crazy. The reason I stand before you today is to share with you baseball people what I’ve learned in my life, what I’ve learned about home plate in my 78 years.” Several hands went up when Scolinos asked how many Little League coaches were in the room. “Do you know how wide home plate is in Little League?”

After a pause, someone offered, “Seventeen inches?”, more of a question than answer.

“That’s right,” he said. “How about in Babe Ruth’s day? Any Babe Ruth coaches in the house?” Another long pause.

“Seventeen inches?” a guess from another reluctant coach.

“That’s right,” said Scolinos. “Now, how many high school coaches do we have in the room?” Hundreds of hands shot up, as the pattern began to appear.

“How wide is home plate in high school baseball?”

“Seventeen inches,” they said, sounding more confident.

“You’re right!” Scolinos barked. “And you college coaches, how wide is home plate in college?”

“Seventeen inches!” we said, in unison. “

“Any Minor League coaches here? How wide is home plate in pro ball?”………..“Seventeen inches!”

“RIGHT! And in the Major Leagues, how wide home plate is in the Major Leagues?

“Seventeen inches!”

“SEV-EN-TEEN INCHES!” he confirmed, his voice bellowing off the walls. “And what do they do with a Big League pitcher who can’t throw the ball over seventeen inches?” Pause.“They send him to Pocatello!” he hollered, drawing raucous laughter.

“What they don’t do is this: they don’t say, ‘Ah, that’s okay, Jimmy. You can’t hit a seventeen-inch target? We’ll make it eighteen inches or nineteen inches. We’ll make it twenty inches so you have a better chance of hitting it. If you can’t hit that, let us know so we can make it wider still, say twenty-five inches.’”Pause.

“Coaches…” pause, “… what do we do when our best player shows up late to practice? When our team rules forbid facial hair and a guy shows up unshaven? What if he gets caught drinking? Do we hold him accountable? Or do we change the rules to fit him? Do we widen home plate?” The chuckles gradually faded as four thousand coaches grew quiet, the fog lifting as the old coach’s message began to unfold.

He turned the plate toward himself and, using a Sharpie, began to draw something. When he turned it toward the crowd, point up, a house was revealed, complete with a freshly drawn door and two windows. “This is the problem in our homes today. With our marriages, with the way we parent our kids. With our discipline. We don’t teach accountability to our kids, and there is no consequence for failing to meet standards. We widen the plate!”

Then, to the point at the top of the house he added a small American flag. “This is the problem in our schools today. The quality of our education is going downhill fast and teachers have been stripped of the tools they need to be successful, and to educate and discipline our young people. We are allowing others to widen home plate! Where is that getting us?”

Silence. He replaced the flag with a Cross.“And this is the problem in the Church, where powerful people in positions of authority have taken advantage of young children, only to have such an atrocity swept under the rug for years. Our church leaders are widening home plate for themselves! And we allow it.”

“And the same is true with our government. Our so called representatives make rules for us that don’t apply to themselves. They take bribes from lobbyists and foreign countries. They no longer serve us. And we allow them to widen home plate and we see our country falling into a dark abyss while we watch.”

I was amazed. At a baseball convention where I expected to learn something about curve balls and bunting and how to run better practices, I had learned something far more valuable. From an old man with home plate strung around his neck, I had learned something about life, about myself, about my own weaknesses and about my responsibilities as a leader. I had to hold myself and others accountable to that which I knew to be right, lest our families, our faith, and our society continue down an undesirable path.

“If I am lucky,” Coach Scolinos concluded,“you will remember one thing from this old coach today. It is this: if we fail to hold ourselves to a higher standard, a standard of what we know to be right; if we fail to hold our spouses and our children to the same standards, if we are unwilling or unable to provide a consequence when they do not meet the standard; and if our schools & churches & our government fail to hold themselves accountable to those they serve, there is but one thing to look forward to …”

With that, he held home plate in front of his chest, turned it around, and revealed its dark black backside, “… dark days ahead.”

Coach Scolinos died in 2009 at the age of 91, but not before touching the lives of hundreds of players and coaches, including mine. Meeting him at my first ABCA convention kept me returning year after year, looking for similar wisdom and inspiration from other coaches. He is the best clinic speaker the ABCA has ever known because he was so much more than a baseball coach. His message was clear: “Coaches, keep your players—no matter how good they are—your own children, your churches, your government, and most of all, keep yourself at seventeen inches.”

Here’s how to fix what’s wrong with our country today.

“Don’t widen the plate.”

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